Blocking: frigidity is rare

If frigidity signifies the absence of desire and sensuality, anorgasmia, more frequent, is limited to a blockade of ecstasy. Nuance of importance.

Isabelle Taubes

"When I was 28, I had a certain satisfaction with my partners, but I had never known orgasm," recalls Lucia, "I did not complain, convinced that my mother Once, when we were talking about the relationship between man and woman, to my astonishment, she had these words: "If a man stays long enough indoors, the pleasure will come." This sentence provoked a click, a kind of liberation. "

If for men, the orgastic explosion is a natural thing, nothing like it in women. The vagina, unlike the penis, is not very sensitive. "It is essentially the emotional context that triggers pleasure: the idea of ​​being desired, penetrated by a loved man, observes Françoise Goupil-Rousseau, a gynecologist and psychotherapist. In truth, before orgasmic women do not feel more physical pleasure than those who do not, for all during coitus, the pathways of sensibility go back to the cerebral cortex. orgasm and others no It is unclear why. "

Unconscious deprivation

In very young women, vaginal anorgasmia is the norm. If it lasts at maturity, specialists refuse to consider it as a pathology, except in extreme cases where the acme of pleasure can never be reached, even by means of masturbation. Only then does one speak of frigidity which, unlike anorgasmia, is characterized by an inhibition of desire and concerns the sexual life as a whole. Most often, it is an unconscious deprivation - the person refuses to desire, to feel - related to the guilt or shame transmitted by education.

In fact, for every woman, access to the little dying is always very fragile. A depressing or self-deprecating event - separation, bereavement, dismissal, discovery of partner infidelity, etc. - is likely to provoke transient anorgasmia. This is also the case when a malaise arises in the couple, and that the woman, unhappy, can not express her suffering with words. "If the situation persists, anorgasmia can be used by the female unconscious as a revenge against the supposed leader of the situation, "says psychoanalyst Catherine Muller. Frustrated in her life, the woman punishes the man in his sexuality so that he too.

The weight of childhood

When it is permanent, and without any apparent motive, "anorgasmia must be deciphered as a symptom referring to an unconscious individual problem," says psychoanalyst Janine Revel.For one, she will express the hidden desire to look like an idealized "virgin" mother, for the other, she will result from an unconscious fidelity to her father. "I always met men with sexual problems and with whom I never managed to orgasm, Aude explains, until my mother confesses that, since my early years, the alcohol abuse had made my father powerless! "

Often too, the Anorgasmia is the result of an execrable report to her own body going back to childhood. "I've always been cold, not friendly, says Sonia, I was complexed with my younger sister, my father's favorite, that it was prettier, more feminine than I. Very early, before adolescence, I felt disembodied.Today, I never wear makeup and I do not see any interest in getting dressed. a man, I feel too much, not in my place, I'm freezing. " Is it a coincidence? Sonia works in freezing!

In rare cases, a woman may be physically and emotionally blocked to the point of "missing out" of orgasm. Her body enjoys without feeling the slightest sensation of fullness, as some people are unable to feel hunger, thirst or cold. According to Janine Revel, this phenomenon is the result of an overly prescriptive education, which did not allow the person to really own his body.

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