All marriages experience difficult moments, moments of tension, conflicts. But happiness and peace in marriage are closely related to how we handle these moments of conflict. Here are 5 things to do when you and your spouse go through moments of tension:
It is very important that you and your spouse discern the true source of the conflict. Your spouse may be struggling with poor health or insecurity at work. The feeling behind the conflict could be fear, anxiety about the future, feelings of rejection, disappointment, feelings of not being loved, feelings of being disrespected, etc.
I take an example: if your wife gets angry every time you're late for dinner, it's because the bottom line is that she feels like you have other things more important in your life than spending time with her. She needs to feel more loved. At that moment, rather than enter into a conflict with her, you will simply readjust your priorities and reassure her about your love. Do you understand ?
Learn to communicate about the root of the conflict and not about what appears on the surface. Always having the same kind of conflict that reoccurs repeatedly is often a sign that something else is going on in depth that is not resolved. Treat the problem at its root!
2.Identify the real enemy.
Most of the time we can not see the real enemy behind our marital conflicts and we tend to confront our spouse and consider him an enemy. The enemy is not your spouse ... (Ephesians 6:12). Many born-again Christians are totally ignorant of the spiritual war that is unfolding all around us. Satan released a horde of demons to destroy marriages. In the middle of each conflict, remember that you are not at war with each other. You are part of the same team. You are in the same boat. You are partners and not opponents!
We often tend to always want to be right, no matter how big the problem is. But when it comes to your couple, learn to discern what is really worth being brought to the table, which deserves you to have a discussion. Is it really important to have an argument about who was the turn to wash the bathroom or go for a particular race? Or is it important to show love by doing what is to be done at home regardless of who was supposed to do it - and without lifting it? Fight to preserve your marriage and not to be right on "small" things.
4.Teach a positive lesson about conflict.
Make sure to extract new information from this conflict, things that will allow you to mature. It is useless to have a moment of conflict and learn no positive lesson, nothing that enriches and allows to go further as a couple. So put your pride aside and try to extract from this conflict something positive that will make both of you progress!
5. Demonstrate love by coming back to each other.
Rather than treating your husband or wife the treatment of silence in the aftermath of a seemingly difficult conflict, treat each other with love. Basically, it does not matter who was right or wrong. What is important is that you forgive each other, express your love to each other and return together so that the enemy does not take advantage of this opportunity to divide you and move you away from each other. Forgiving is sometimes difficult, but it is the price to pay to preserve the love and unity in the marriage. May the sun not set over your anger. (Ephesians 4:26)
Marriage is a divine institution and the will of God is that it be honored by all, considered precious by all, beyond our ambitions, our interests and our personal opinions.
May God help us to see our spouse as a partner and not an adversary, to fight no longer to defend our personal opinions but rather to fight for unity, to fight to preserve our marriages! Amen?
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