Juggling between his love life and his social life is not easy. It is necessary to be at the same time to listen to his close relations or his friends, but also to have time for his half in order to encourage the complicity in the couple. When in addition we have a busy professional or student life things become even more delicate and the organization must be almost military! To know how to manage several aspects and not to put in excessive demand is far from being obvious and it is besides this problem which led the reader of the day straight towards the separation.
It is essential to keep a balance in your life. When there are big upheavals, you have to be able to adapt. The others can also have a negative impact on the couple and we can be led to say "the friends of my ex are at the origin of the break" or "if my changed it is because of his friends" . However, you must be aware that what you want at 18 is not necessarily what you want to 20 years or 22 years. I explain this just after the story of the love problem of the week mentioned by Jordan *.
My ex wants to live his youth!
Hello to all visitors to the site and to Alexandre,
Here is my story. I'm 21 years old, like my ex girlfriend. After 4 years of pure happiness as a couple, my girlfriend, in my second year of medicine, left me explaining that she had no feelings for me anymore, no longer daring to say "I love you" , did not want to kiss or cuddle me and wanted to be able to fully live his youth to regret nothing later.
The problem is that since she had started his medical studies with the parties and parties that go withShe lived on a weekday in Paris and returned to the Yvelines where she had lived before to see her mother and me at the weekend. We were really happy together, but for a month she was working on her partals and could not give me much more time, so I tried not to disturb her and come to Paris only to comfort her, to relax her by massaging her and other ... Despite this, I felt during this month that she stood out from meshe did not tell me anymore I love you on the phone, constantly felt bad when I was there, did not want to make love anymore, but when I asked her if something was wrong she told me she was just stressed by his partials. Finally, at the exit of his partials I thought we could finally see us and I was overjoyed especially since it was consistent with my birthday, so we would finally be able to enjoy each other again.
But finally one week before the weekend of my birthday, she confessed to me that she was already taken by medicine evenings which I could not go (because of my engineering school partches approaching) and that we could only see each other for a quick dinner on Sunday. At that moment I felt that something was not going at all and that she did not want to talk about it, it was awful I did not sleep anymore and when I managed it all the same, I saw her in my nightmares leaving me and waking up directly. I was sick of this break so much so that I had to leave one of my partial partials because I only thought about it, what I could do, what I could have done.
Finally on Sunday when she came (I had not slept for a day and a half and I was nauseated), I asked her to talk about us and then she began to cry explaining to me that she could not continue, that she no longer loved me as before and was no longer happy, that she needed to see her friends without thinking every night of me, that she thought she was pregnant at because of the nausea she had constantly when I was there and she wanted to break but she would still be there if I needed her. I tried desperately to see what I could do, and in the end we promised myself that on my side, I would try to be happy and not mope about it, and that on her side she would think of us both if she were happier with or without me, and we would get back to each other before I leave for my semester abroad (in August) ...
Paradoxically, she also told me while we were crying that she was not did not see himself finishing up with anyone other than methat I was perfect for her is that no one would ever love him more than me. It was extremely hard for me because we were really a perfect couple without a fight, we agreed on everything or almost everything and we did not stop to predict what we would do later, we would live together and that we would finally be fully happy, and to hear from someone with whom we want to spend our life after 4 years of happiness that she is sick to the idea of making love with oneself is atrocious because I had never considered .For me everything was perfect and I really believed in our story, I come to wonder if the friends of my ex did not brainwash him, if the friends of my ex are at the origin of the rupture.
It's been exactly two weeks since I did not talk to her at all, she just sent me a sms to wish me a happy birthday in the meantime. For two weeks I have been trying to fulfill my part of the contract, to enjoy life, I go out, I see friends as much as I can, I signed up for a climbing gym. But despite that, I think now if I have to contact her again in a few weeks, which I should say, I can not accept the idea that after 4 years of pure happiness together we leave for just a few nights with friends from the medical school.
I have a business at her home and I do not know if I should bring her back or if the fact that she does not ask them is a good sign, if the fact that she is still a couple on Facebook (that I never use usually but I visit regularly since) is a good sign, if calling to bring his business back to his mother (because I know their family well and they liked me a lot) I do not risk falling on her back of Paris for the weekend ... This is a very difficult phase for me, I try to move forward while still having feelings for her, I would like more than anything she come back and as soon as I do not see anyone, I am lost and all these ideas are looping in my head, if you have a tip that would be extremely helpful, thank you in advance for your help Alexander.
Friends of my ex influence, what to do?
When there is a significant change in the life of a couple, be it a move like Jordan's girlfriend *, the arrival of a child, the loss of a job or any other event that can have an impact on the relationship, you have to be extremely vigilant because the impact can be terrible.
In this case, new studies and Parisian life have played a part in the separation. Jordan thinks that promo comrades of his ex have had a role in the separation, in any case there has been a loss of progressive feeling during the last month of reviews and reviews. There was some signs of detachment from his ex like less sweet words, less attention and loss of sexual desire. Initially, her ex-girlfriend put this back on the stress and the exam approach, but the situation continued and the distance was more and more visible.
So there were assumptions or questions like "my ex's friends are the cause of the breakup", "my ex has changed because she wants to enjoy her youth", "does my ex girlfriend to a new boyfriend? " As she stood out, Jordan was more present to compensate for the distance that was put in place. This is precisely what you should not do in most situations, even if it is tricky to apply, you have to stay yourself and not try to catch up. Indeed, in these moments, the other needs to make the point and the more one insists to show that one feels bad, that one is present, that one is in love or in love and more he / she will feel under pressure or even harass.
So asking for it is going to have a negative impact on his ex but also on oneself because automatically one will place his half on a pedestal and he / she will feel superior. It is imperative to avoid this phenomenon. So if you feel that your ex is coming off, it is useless to run after him or to seek to discuss to understand what is happening in his head.
From the moment when one says oneself my ex goes away, it is necessary to know that the detachment has already begun for a moment because it was previously psychological. There is no point in asking dozens of questions to find out what can be done to make everything work out because often the ex in questions does not understand what is happening.
In the story of the day, one can legitimately wonder if a new meeting is not at the origin of the attitude of the ex-girlfriend of our reader. There are several warning signs, but anyway it does not matter for the reconquest because it will have to follow the same logic as for a reconquest after a long relationship.
Her ex is in doubt because she was crying and she confessed that he was a great boy. It is therefore necessary to renew contacts gradually and the best way is a handwritten letter if only to get in touch and discuss. It will not be necessary to speak again of the past but to show that there is no more emotional dependence and more idealization of the couple. Subsequently, it will bring the seduction to the taste of the day. The reconstruction as always, will have a considerable impact on his reactions. If she feels too much attachment she will flee, if she feels a real detachment, she will be more willing to talk.The reason is simple, if she feels that you are too affected, she will not want to hurt you anymore and this pain goes through your contacts according to her, so she will flee. On the other hand if you show that you take things in the right way and that you are in full reconstruction then she will say that you are on the right way and that your conversations will not demoralize you.
You do not have to worry about your business and see signs of whether or not you ask for it, you have to leave FB if it makes you ask a lot of questions. Now it is reconstruction that is essential, and all that has to be a brake must be removed. We must avoid going through her family because she could not take it. If you want to return her things to him then you can contact her as I explain in this article but without anger or resentment. This contact will be important for the future. It will be imperative to remain strong in front of her and not to pronounce sentences related to feelings. You have to give him his things for a few minutes and leave. She has certainties that she must loseshe must not know which foot to dance on, and she must feel that your attitude has changed completely.
Counseling to bring back his ex girlfriend
* To preserve the anonymity of the person who wrote this testimony, the first name has been changed.