How to love our imperfections

The wabi sabi is a notion of Japanese aesthetics enhancing the imperfection and the marks of time. But this concept is also used as a personal development tool. Especially in the United States, where it is presented as an antidote to ultra-perfectionism and the cult of performance.

Flavia Mazelin Salvi

By lowering the pressure

Christopher Bergland *, high-level athlete and coach, goes so far as to say that proclaiming his wabi sabi is cathartic, because far from weakening us, claiming his imperfection strengthen our self-confidence and act positively on how we face challenges and deploy our skills. Psychologist Susan Heitler, for its part, promotes the "good enough", an expression that is due to the British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott (1896-1971) who coined the concept of good enough mother (mother good enough). Thus, says Susan Heitler, it would be better for us to give up sterile and anxiety-provoking perfectionism just to be good enough. Which means being generally satisfied with our relationships with others. Rather than focusing on our shortcomings, failures and areas for improvement, it is better, for example, to focus on how we manage the difficulties rather than the results. The less we keep our eyes on the finish line, the more we are aware of the skills and tools we use, the resources we deploy to achieve it. But it is this consciousness that increases self-confidence and lowers the inner pressure.

Coming Out of the Illusion

For Meg Selig, life changing and personal transformation coach, perfectionism is an illusion born of the ego that thinks it can control everything and wants to be noticed by others and be loved them. To free oneself from one's tyranny is therefore to come out of illusion and enter the reality. That of ontological imperfection of human nature. But this acceptance is not resignation; on the contrary, it carries significant benefits. Our weaknesses are both our hallmark and a call to kindness, to ourselves and to others. By recognizing our limitations and our lacks, by welcoming them with tenderness, we become more flexible, more indulgent, more realistic and ultimately more effective.

By practicing imperfectionism

The click can occur with four little words: "I do not know." Some are unable to pronounce them without feeling upset, pathetic, ridiculous or angry. Many use language contortions and emotional twists to look good or dominate the situation by remaining silent or pretending to know.But it would suffice to say simply "I do not know" to weaken his ego, to enter internal coherence and to open a space of exchange with the other. One can also list its "faults" and look for their light side. For example, the positive side of impatience can be liveliness, speed, the taste for innovation. Laziness can have contemplative virtues, anger can go hand in hand with courage and a sense of justice. Accepting one's failures is a form of formative, even transformative, "imperfectionism". It must begin by giving more value to the means that have been used to achieve its goal than the result obtained. Then comes the time of acceptance: to accept that at a given moment, with given means, we did our best not to block our spirit and our energy on an event that we can not change, and therefore to avoid feeding our mental ruminations. We can finally practice imperfectionism with our loved ones, by dramatizing their mistakes or failures, by mentioning ours or by using humor to point out some of our own problems.

=> What is the weak point that weakens you? Faults, we all have them! But among them, there is always one who plays more tricks than the others. It is unavoidable ... and valuable because it allows us to better understand ourselves. Let's try this test to make it talk!

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