Did I do well to read my daughter's diary?

Did I do well to read my daughter's diary?

I still hate my mother today because she once read my journal, yet I just read that of my 15-year-old daughter. She tells that she drinks with her friends, self-help, etc. I did not suspect it because it is fulfilled and without problem. I'm lost. Danielle - Louvain

Claude Halmos

Psychoanalyst

answers

Your letter poses two problems. The first is the danger your daughter might face. You say you dread the risky behavior of teenagers and you're right. But you must also know that they often fantasize this kind of conduct - and even write them in their diary - without having them.

Your daughter writes, for example, that she has never been drunk but ... has plans to be. We can thus suppose that such crossing of limits fascinate her (it is, at her age, normal) but that, for the moment in any case, she is content to dream of it. Nothing, moreover, in his behavior did not alert you while his father and you are very attentive. So just stay tuned.

The second problem seems to me more complicated. This is the limit you have crossed, while reading his newspaper. And that you justify - thus justifying your mother at the same time - by worry. This may not be a sufficient explanation. The adolescence of their children is indeed for all the parents a very difficult moment. Because they must continue to protect them while letting them become, gradually, owners of their lives. This implies, among other things, that parents bear the mistakes and wanderings of their children (as long as they do not put their lives in danger). It is only by making a mistake that one learns to find one's way ...

I think you should think about it. Remembering that dialogue with your parents and mutual trust are always, for a teenager, the safest of protections.

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