Can my hair problems interfere with my child?
I am 42 years old and have an important baldness that forces me to wear a hair prosthesis. I'm going to be a father for the first time and I do not know what to do: should I talk to my child or hide it from him? Jean-Pierre G., Amiens
I think we can thank you for writing this letter. First because she is brave and, above all, because she shows how difficult it is to feel "up to" when you become a parent.
It refers to each of us both to the child that he was (and to the child's endurance, to the unconscious fear that the child to come has similar sufferings) and how he was or was not "allowed" by his own parents to become father or mother in turn.
This is a lot of possible anxiety and, as we do not know the real causes (because they are unconscious), we "hang on" to everything we do not like about ourselves, everything we live like "gaps". This is probably how you focused on your baldness.
Do you worry! No baldness has ever prevented a man from being a man and a father from being a father. The baldness, the children do not care. They find it rather funny. As for the prostheses, it is only necessary to explain to them what it is, so that they do not try to tear their hair from them ...
In fact your baldness could only embarrass your child if it bothered you too much. -even. If so, have someone help you to understand what a bad image of yourself is behind this hair story.
Psychoanalyst, author of Speaking is living (NiL, 1997), Claude Halmos responds each month to four letters selected from an abundant mail, of which we publish excerpts.