More authenticity and creativity, less egocentrism and control ... No doubt, our children push us - sometimes in spite of ourselves - to know us better and give the best of ourselves. And if we enjoy a holiday to better observe and discover what they have to teach us.Christilla Pellé-Douël
They shake up our certainties
Being a parent is not only happiness, it is also a radical and permanent change in our relationship with the world, with others, with ourselves. We are not only the guides of our children: in a movement of back and forth, which is that of life, they teach us every moment to change our eyes, our behavior, our perceptions. They jostle our certainties and push us to question ourselves. Sometimes in discomfort. But never without benefit.
They make us relive our childhood
"When my son lost his goldfish, he was inconsolable, recalls Ariane, 40. I saw myself at the same age, at age 7, with the same sorrow and the feeling of being sucked into the ground, it was an opportunity to tell him about me, little girl. " Accompanying his children is also reliving his own past with his traumas, his fears, his anger and his joys ... A rediscovery that goes through all ages, from birth to adolescence, period of major readjustments. According to Patrice Huerre, child psychiatrist "the childhood of our children brings to the surface forgotten emotions". It is by becoming aware of the weight of our young years that we can move forward, grow psychically, and it is a process that lasts as long as life, if we accept to consider these emotions.
"I hate the" boy stuff ", all that's technical, says Muriel, 37. My son Robin is crazy about trucks and construction equipment The other day, coming out of the station he saw a sublime red crane, he was looking at her with eyes so bright that I tried to see what fascinated him, and I understood: this red that stood out against the buildings and the gray sky, I I too have found her beautiful, this crane. " This brand new look on the world forces us to put on other glasses. It becomes more colorful, more alive, more wonderful. "The children train us on virgin grounds and open us to their look", explains Patrice Huerre.
They also encourage us to play, to dream, to create. What adult would be alone to make soap bubbles or to rave about the twisted forms of its salt? "With my children, on weekends, we build cabins, fun Thomas, 34. the week, I find myself sketching for our next expedition. " As for Pascal, 45, he went back to music when his son attacked the guitar.Not to feel young or to compete, but to want to reconnect with a passion he had put aside.
They make us adults
"Before I had my baby, I never thought about the next day," says Isabelle, 40. "Milena's arrival has jostled everything." She, who had a rather relaxed relationship with her mother, felt the urge to find her presence by her side. "The days following the birth, I was lost: I wanted my mother as a very little girl, while I feeling mother against my youngest daughter. "
A shocking change, but essential." This is the first learning of the state of parent, decrypts the psychoanalyst Catherine Mathelin-Vanier.Everyone changes place: our parents go to the top floor, we take their place, and our children ours. " From now on, there is behind us a little being to whom we give our hand ...
This feeling suddenly gives meaning to life. But also has a darker face: a sharper awareness of our own temporality. No more teenage feeling of immortality, death suddenly becomes possible. The vulnerability of life is obvious to us. Theirs and ours. "No more paragliding in dangerous corners, I do not want to risk my life for a few minutes of extreme sensations, like a teenager," says Antoine, 36 years old. As for Lydia, 40, formerly negligent with her health, she regularly goes to the doctor: "I have three children, taking care of me is a way to take care of them."