To be left by SMS, mail, Facebook

It is by an SMS, an email, Facebook or again MSN that they learned that their partner was leaving them. At the end, sometimes, long years of relationship. How to understand these express separations? How to rebuild afterwards? Who are the heart breakers 2. 0? Elements of answer with Maryse Vaillant, clinical psychologist.

Margaux Rambert

"I'm not sure of our relationship anymore, it's over." When 21-year-old Clarisse saw these words on her computer screen, she had a hard time believing it. His friend, Alexandre, who had stayed in France while in Amsterdam for a semester of study, had just ended a five-year relationship in an MSN conversation sentence. This shock, this impression "that the world collapses", Vincent and Vanessa knew them too. The first, 22, was left via Facebook's chat, before his ex-friend "deletes him from his contacts". The second, 30, shared the life of Paul - with whom she had been pacsée - for a year and a half, when, following an argument, she discovered the new status of his spouse on the same social network: "single, looking for an apartment".

SMS, mails, MSN, Facebook ... Breaks 2. 0 multiply. And are not only, contrary to what we often think, the prerogative of the generation of 15-30 years, born at the time of the advent of the Internet and new technologies. Sylvie had been married for 22 years and as a couple since 26, when one morning, she discovered an email that had left her husband: he left and warned that he would move the next day. "A punch in the chest "it took a long time to recover.

A feeling of misunderstanding

"It's an inelegance, a cowardice, an immaturity", "What a lack of respect", "It's easier, it's completely dehumanized "... Breaks by mail or text do not stand out in the list of ways to separate. And for good reason, says Maryse Vaillant, clinical psychologist: "the person who receives such a message can legitimately think that she deserves words, explanations on the disenchantment, the need to go elsewhere, the reasons for the break ... "And it is in this feeling of misunderstanding that lies the source of the suffering peculiar to breaks. 2. 0. Clean to all ruptures without explanations. Go get the bread or cigarettes and never come back, disappear in the wild, do not give new ones ... A way of separation as old as the world.

Clarisse always wondered if Alexander had not acted on a whim.But will never have the answer: even on his return to France, the young man never wanted to see her again. It was not until much later that she learned that he had actually left her ... for another. But for Maryse Vaillant, this search for the "why" of the breakup is actually ephemeral. Useless, even. "Even at the end of a good and frank discussion, one never really knows the reasons of the other.It is illusory to believe that one can tell everything, know everything about the other and even self ".

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