Sex: daring a little savagery

A pinch of bestiality, a few bites, raw words ... There is no harm in expressing fantasies in making love! But how to play these transgressive impulses without feeling guilty?

Cécile Guéret

An authoritarian bastard, a young virgin, smacking spankings ... and, some fifty million copies of Fifty Shades of Gray later, it is now indisputable that sadomasochism soft emotes. According to a recent survey, our sexual repertoire has also been cleared since the 1980s. One in four French women say they have already been spanked by their partner (compared to 8% in 1985) and 36% have already scratched or bitten during love. (Ifop survey for current woman conducted online from 30 November to 3 December 2012 on a sample of one thousand and eight women). Above all, these sexual games have a real fantasmatic potential: six out of ten women are willing to frolic by being dominated or dominant; four in ten, to receive or to spank. Me, Tarzan, you, Jane? If Tarzan measures the strength of her embrace, that Jane does not have blues full buttocks and that both find pleasure, why not?

There is no question, of course, of apologizing for domestic violence. Yes to a bit of savagery in bed; no to the brutality imposed. It is indeed the difference between "love that makes boom" and "that makes bing", as sung by Magali Noël in Make me hurt, Johnny (words of Boris Vian, music by Alain Goraguer (1956)). Nibbling, spanking, sex in the hussar and raw words awaken the tigresses and wild cats hidden under our costumes of civilized people. Because before being a form of communication in the couple, sexuality is a drive impulse. Primary, brutal, powerful, sometimes overflowing ... and tame.

The return of spanking

The thrilling power of these little brutalities is rooted in childhood. "In our development, genitality comes very late, says psychoanalyst Jacques André, author of La Female sexuality and Male sexuality (PUF, "What do I know?", 2009 and 2013) When, in the aftermath of puberty, we begin to make love, we have already behind us the long story of a polymorphous sexuality that enjoys everything. " Thus, nibble "where it is bouncy, fluffy, have flesh full mouth", as told Emile, 49, refers to the delights of oral and breastfeeding.

Climbing the curtains when the coitus becomes a bit sporty reminds, according to Jacques André, "the fights of children, our first sexual relations".Profuse insults, raw words and "all that, model little girl, I had no right to say without being punished", takes Lucie, 28, a deliciously transgressive dimension. And the spankings open new perspectives ... Jean-Jacques Rousseau portrays, in his Confessions , the intense pleasure that gave him those given by Mademoiselle Lambercier, and as they have "decided to [his] tastes, of [his] desires, of [his] passions, of [him] for the rest of [his] life ".

The buttocks, the child's first place of care and intercourse with his mother, are indeed also punishments. "Subtle, sexuality can take hold of everything, including humiliation or guilt ", observes Jacques André. Émile is still astonished by his pleasure at having slapped his buttocks: "I was both excited, ashamed, excited to be ashamed ..." Some even like being on the crest between pain and pleasure. A duality that the sexologist Ghislaine Paris recognizes as coming from "feelings of love-hate that the baby wears to his mother.He feeds on his softness, his protective warmth ... But he also lives the hunger and frustration of not see the breast come as a violence ".

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